


Look At the Mess I'm In

by FaintingInCoils



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background Magnus Burnsides/Julia Burnsides, Background Relationships, Background Taako/Kravitz, Gen, the teen rating is only because of language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 20:05:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9400973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaintingInCoils/pseuds/FaintingInCoils
Summary: Phones are distracting, which is the only explanation for why Taako wades through a moshpit and breaks a kid's nose.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by an AU prompt I saw on Tumblr: "I broke your nose in a moshpit."  
> Title taken from Social Distortion's "Ball and Chain" simply because it mentions a broken nose, because why not.

Taako doesn't know why he even bothers to go out when _this_  is the sort of thing that always seems to happen to him.  Just a night out to a shitty bar to listen to some dumb band that isn't his style.  Should be fine, right?  Toss back a few overpriced mixed drinks, flirt with the bartender so the drinks aren't quite so overpriced anymore, and leave with ringing ears and happy friends.  And then this little punk--this _pipsqueak_ , and what is he wearing?  Is that a _sailor uniform_ , like he's out of a Shirley Temple movie or a Hallmark card?  What even has Taako's life become?  Whatever.  This small child who cannot possibly be in a bar legally just uses his own face as a battering ram against Taako's arm, and now there's blood everywhere, and the kid is sniffling, and Kravitz isn't looking, and where on earth is--

"Oh my god, are you okay?" Magnus shouts, knocking aside at least three randos as he charges full speed to Taako's side and grabs his bloody arm.  "I don't see where you hurt yourself..."  Magnus looks over and slightly down at the kid the blood belongs to, and his eyes go wide.  "Taako!  Why is there a kid bleeding all over you?  What did you do?"

"What did I--" Taako stammers, arms flailing in the air like they're not half of what just _started_  this entire mess, what do they think they're doing?  "I did _nothing_ , my dude!  I was minding my own business, going from Point A," he gestures across large room to where Kravitz is lounging with his back against the wall and his face pointed towards the stage, "to Point B,"--a nod towards the bar--"and this is what happened during transit.  Kid walked right into my elbow and went flying, and I helped him up before he could get trampled to death by those idiots going nowhere in a hurry because I am a fuckin' standup sort of guy.  That's what happened!"  


"Taako," Magnus said, voice doing that slowdown thing it always does when he's about to say something that might lead to a fight.  "Do you realize that you walked through the middle of a moshpit?"

"A what?"

"A _moshpit_.  A huge, swirling mob of people focused on thrashing each other into pieces to loud music."  Magnus cups Taako's cheek and gently turns his head a few degrees, and oh.  Yeah, okay, there are dozens of guys, gals, and nonbinary pals moving in a circle, arms and legs flailing in time to the deafening music.  They look pretty fierce, actually.  Not the type of thing he'd usually miss.  It's just, Taako's got a group chat going with Merle and Jules, who got to bail out because they're "too old" and "too pregnant," respectively, so he's been subjecting them to a play-by-play of what they're mising out on.  So he, you know.  Maybe missed some stuff himself.  Like a gangly muppet child who crawled out of a costume bin and into his path.  

Which reminds him. 

"Okay, enough with the teary eyes.  Firm upper lip--we've got a photo to take," Taako croons to the kid.  "No, no, leave the blood there; we don't want to lessen the drama, do we?"  He hunkers down, squeezes in close and manages to get them both in the picture, but you can't see the blood on his arm this way.  "Maggie, do me a favor and snap us, will ya?  Make sure you get all the gory details."  He shoves his cell into Magnus's hand and beams when his bestie doesn't even bother to argue with the request.  

The flash almost blinds him, but in a few seconds Taako is scrolling through four new pictures on his phone, and they're actually pretty great.  The kid is still all quiver-lipped in the first one; confused in the second; and smiling in the third and fourth.  "Look at you, kiddo!" he says, holding the screen a few inches away from his accidental attacker's face.  "That's the sort of picture you want on your wall, right?  That's a memory.  What's your name, pumpkin?"

"Angus," the kid replies, and god, his voice matches his clothes somehow, sweet and sort of old-fashioned.  "My name is Angus McDonald.  It's nice to meet you, sir."  He looks like he's about to try and offer his hand for a shake, and that just won't do.  Taako swats it aside, but not too hard.

"Got it.  Good to meet you too, Ango.  Well, not _good_ , maybe, because you did get your blood all over an oufit I've only worn twice before tonight, but.  You know."  Taako waves his hands in the air again, flittering his long, thin fingers dismissively.  "My name's Taako, and the big guy who took our pic is Magnus.  Maggie, go grab my boyfriend and meet us in the parking lot with a couple of club sodas and some paper towels, would you?  We've got some damage control to do."  He places one hand on Angus's shoulder and firmly steers him towards the bar's exit.

"Are you going to kill me for ruining your outfit?" the kid asks as they step outside.  Taako's first impulse is to laugh, but he realizes just in time that no, the kid's serious.  God.

"Probably not," he says with a shrug.  "Sounds like too much effort; more blood on my clothes is pretty much the opposite of what I'm going for here, huh, bubbeleh?"  Taako looks down at the kid and gives him a smile.  "Besides, this whole mess was only, what, half your fault?  Less.  Forty percent you, because it is your blood here; fifty percent those idiots in that pit; and ten percent me, and that's only 'cause I'm feelin generous here."

Angus stares up at him for a long time, not saying anything, and then Magnus rushes out, followed closely by Kravitz.  Magnus goes straight for Taako, unscrews the lid to one of the club sodas, and starts dabbing away at the blood on Taako's top.  It's nice, having a well-trained best friend whose wife works with fabric for a living.  Dude gets stuff done.

"I suppose it's on me to help the lad, then?" Kravitz drawls in his posh voice, approaching Angus with a hint of a smile. 

"Yep," Taako replies, "and can it with the accent, huh,  Bone Daddy?  Geeze."  He turns to stage-whisper to Angus, "Guy's in a community theatre production of Hamlet for a few weeks and suddenly thinks he's British.  It's painful, is what it is."

There's that grin on the kid's face again, and it's oddly satisfying, bloody or not.  "I don't know, sir," Angus says, turning a thoughtful look to Kravitz.  "Isn't passion for theatre a noble trait?"

"There, you see?" Kravitz says with a broad grin.  "This child understands me."  He shifts the bottle of club soda to his left hand and reaches out to Angus with his right.  "My name's Kravitz," he says.  "I see my boyfriend's done a number on your face; you have our apologies."

" _Our_  apologies?" Taako exclaims over Angus's attempt to introduce himself in return.  "I already apologized, I'll have you know.  Over there talking for me, just putting words in my mouth..."

"I'm not sure that was an apology, sir.  You just admitted you shared the blame, that's all."

Magnus snorts with laughter, because he's a horrible traitor and not as well-trained as Taako was thinking, apparently.  "That's as good as you're gonna get, kid," he says.  "I'm surprised you got that much outta him.  Just take the win and move on."

"What--  What is this?" Taako wails, clutching one hand to his chest in some community-level theatrics of his own.  "I came out to have a good time and honestly I'm feeling so attacked right now."

Magnus and Kravitz sigh in perfect unison, like the worst use of surround sound ever, and Angus gets a very worrying hyper-focused sort of look on his face.  His brown eyes are gleaming, and he's gnawing at his bottom lip with the sort of slight buckteeth that are cute on small children and which, if he's very lucky, will manage to stay charming even once he's older.  

"Keep staring at me like that and your head is going to catch fire," Taako warns, and his words knock that look off of Angus's face.  It's replaced by confusion again, and yeah, okay, the kid's cute.  He's definitely going to be able to rock the buckteeth.

"I'm not sure how, sir," Angus says.

"All those gears grinding are gonna throw off sparks, and boom."  He tosses his free, unbloodied arm to the side, narrowly missing Kravitz.  "Firey explosion."

"You have a very healthy and active imagination, don't you, sir?" Angus says with a laugh.

"You don't know the half of it," Kravitz says dryly, throwing a fond look at Taako.

"Okay, okay, everyone can shut it and focus on the de-bloodifying, okay?"  He focuses on Angus for a moment, watching Kravitz clean the blood off of his face and gently prod his nose.  "Except you, kiddo.  You're at a bar for a metal show, dressed like you're about to board The Good Ship Lollipop.  What's the story there, hmm?"

"Oh.  I guess I do look out of place, don't I?" Angus says, glancing down at his outfit ruefully.  "I didn't think of that.  It's just that I _am_ going to be in a play, actually, and my drama teacher gave me a referral for singing lessons.  I'm supposed to contact a Mr. Fangbattle, only she didn't have his phone number.  He's in a band, though--The Hogsbottom Three--and they're playing here tonight, so I thought--"

"You're here to see _Jeremy_?" Magnus interrupts, delighted.  "Man, Scales is why we're here.  His sister is one of our best friends, and so is his wife's cousin.  He's great on the guitar, and writes all his own lyrics."

Taako nods.  "He's started making some unfortunate fashion choices ever since he became a dad, but he's got fantastic stage presence and great costumes.  Not too bad of a dude, all things considered."

"And he's both patient and passionate," Kravitz adds.  "I'm sure he'll make a wonderful music tutor for you, Angus."

"Stick with us and we'll make sure you get to talk to him after the show," Magnus offers.  Of course he does, because he's A Nice Guy, but having a kid with them for the rest of the night?

"Are you _trying_  to cramp my style over here, Mango?" he grumps, kicking his friend in the shin--or trying to, at least.  Magnus dodges out of the way and looks completely unfased to boot.

"It looks perfectly intact from here," Kravitz says, eyeing him over slowly.  

Taako sighs.  Why does everyone always gang up on him like this?  He's never done anything to deserve this sort of treatment.

"Yeah, kid, stick with us," he sighs.  Because what will it hurt?  Realistically they're never going to see this kid after tonight, and he'll probably get himself killed or kidnapped without a chaperon around, so where's the harm, right?

\------

Two weeks later Taako hears from Magnus, who heard from Carey, who heard from Jeremy, that Angus broke his nose at the show, but it's healing up well.  Taako pointedly does _not_  feel guilty about it, not even a little bit.

\------

Three years later Angus is the opening act for The Hogsbottom Three.  He goes on stage with his acoustic guitar and sings quiet, charming cover of metal classics and an original of his own--with a little help from Scales--and kills it.  When Scales and his pals come on stage to start their own set Scales puts his arm around the kid's shoulders in a loose hug, grabs the mic, and starts talking.  "Isn't this kid great?  Let me tell you about the night I met him."  And he does, with great gusto, because seriously.  All of Taako's friends are traitors. 

 


End file.
